My last post on chance had mixed reactions from the readers. Some readers readily agreed to it, while others questioned the impact of chance. I got a feedback, that you should try , work hard and be ready to progress in life, in any field. Absolutely true. The modern man does not believe in chance but hard work and grit. Yes, I agree with that.
As all of us know that some events impact us profoundly, while other not so. We then start categorizing events, into good or bad. Events which help us on our path, we brand them as good, while others we brand as bad. We get conditioned by this classification and we start expecting, that events should turn out to be good and when that does not happen we feel bad about it. Is it not? This conditioning creates a kind of suffering for us and we are not even aware of it, that it happens so subtly. Then how should we go about life, so as to minimize the suffering. Prof. Srikumar Rao suggests a strategy, to become resilient. He says, “Do not stick a label to it.” Just do not brand any event good or bad.
This will prepare us for the mental resilience when an adverse event takes place and will keep us calm and grounded. How do you go about it? What are the ways, that you train your mind, to remain calm and grounded so that, you can respond appropriately. As suggested above, one practice could be – not to name any event as good or bad. This reminds me of a story.
“An old man lived in a verdant valley with his son, a handsome and dutiful youth. They lived an idyllic life despite a lack of material possessions and were very happy. So much so that feelings of envy arose in their neighbours.
The old man used practically all his savings to buy a young wild stallion. It was a beautiful creature and he planned to use it for breeding. The ame night he bought it, it jumped over the paddock and disappeared into the wild. The neighbours came over and commiserated. “How terrible”, they said.
“Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows?” said the old man.
Ten days later the stallion was back. It came with a herd of about dozen wild horses, and the old man was able to lure all of them into his paddock, which he fixed so escape was no longer possible.” What good fortune?” said the neighbours as they clustered around.
“Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows? “said the old man.
His son started to train the horses. One of them knocked him down and stomped on his leg. It healed crookedly and left him with a permanent limp.” Such misfortune” said the neighbours.
“Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows? “said the old man.
The next summer the king declared war. Press gangs came to the village and rounded up all able young men. The old man’s son was spared because of his game leg. “Truly are you lucky” exclaimed his neighbours as they bemoaned their own losses.
“Good thing? Bad thing? Who knows? “ said the old man.
That very winter…..
(From the book “Are You Ready to Succeed? Unconventional Strategies For Achieving Personal Mastery in Business and Life by Prof. Srikumar Rao)
Can we develop the attitude, the old man takes, in the story above? This will definitely help us, becoming more resilient and reduce our suffering. Is it not? Think about it. Think about what is bothering you right now? Can you adopt this way of looking at what is bothering you. Try and see what happens?
Am I Advocating inaction here? Absolutely not. You must try and do whatever you want to do, but with the attitude of, not labelling any event as good and bad. This will release, tremendous amount of energy, which is otherwise lost, in labelling events good or bad. And I am sure, this small change, will help you transform your life.
I would like to illustrate this point, with another story, from another book of Srikumar Rao. – “Happiness at Work – Be Resilient. Motivated and Successful – No matter what.”
“ He was a good swimmer , a very good swimmer, was training to compete in an important meet. He slipped on the patch of ice and broke his wrist. For weeks and weeks his coach kept him on the side-lines kicking, while his teammates practiced furiously. Initially he was devastated and felt that his career was over. Then he simply buckled down to doing what his coach told him to do.
At the meet in one of the crucial events, his opponent swam the race of his life. He was quite behind at the half way mark and should have lost. But the weeks of kicking had given him muscles he’d never had before. He kicked even harder and touched the finish wall whisker before his inspired opponent.
This swimmer was Michael Phelps. The event was 100 m butterfly in 2008 Beijing Olympics. He beat Milorad Cavic by 1/100th of a second to win his seventh gold medal. Frame by frame photographs showed a tired Cavic gliding with his legs while Phelps gave a final kick. ……..
So, when Phelps broke his wrist in the midst of his most intense training, was it a bad thing or a good thing? Who Knows? A case can be certainly made that the injury was the best thing that ever happened to him. “
खूप छान लिखाण.
आपल्या बाबतीत घडलेल्या कोणत्याही घटनेला, चांगली किंवा वाईट, असे कोणतेही लेबल न लावता जशी आहे तशी स्वीकारणे या वृत्तीला “यदृच्छा” असा खूप छान शब्द आहे.यदृच्छा= यत्+ऋत्+इच्छा.ऋत हे सृष्टीतील एक कल्याणकारी तत्व आहे.
(संदर्भ- रा. चिं. ढेरे यांचे लिखाण)
त्यामुळे,
जे घडेल जैसे ते तैसे स्वीकारवे
परि अखंड प्रयत्नांसी न त्यागावे
ऋत्तत्व कल्याण करी हे जाणोनी
गोड फल भविष्यात चाखावे॥
सुरांकित
अतिशय सुंदर शब्दात तू हे व्यक्त केले आहेस मनापासुन धन्यवाद
New way of looking at life, Madhav. Difficult, but not impossible. And worth striving for. Life is what we make of it.
Thank you Rupa for taking out time and reading and commenting on the blog. Yes it is difficult to follow that practice of not labelling any event as good or bad. But it is not impossible. In my opinion a small progress towards this attitude is likely to help the individual a lot, by freeing energy which is otherwise lost in labelling events as good or bad and then expecting events to turn out good.
Love the content and the explanation!
Excellent post .
Fantastic stories to explain the main theme of post. Life is not black and whites. There will be ton shades of grey in between them. Only pragmatism, timeliness, audience,location, nurture, experience,age, and partly societal by culture we have experienced in our life provides a perspective of the subtle demarcation between good and bad. And that demarcation changes all over our life time. Yes, but what you have pinned here is definitly release the stress , creates by the dialamma of Good and Bad. As usual your writing skill is compelled to think on subject. Thank you.
The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.” ~Tara Brach
Your emotional reactions are natural, and it’s counterintuitive to get worked up over what you “should” be feeling. What you are feeling is neither a bad nor a good thing, it simply is. Wonderful post.
Yes. You are absolutely right. One shouldn’t get worked up on what one should feel. Accept the emotions as they are. Thank you.
Wonderful structure of web page. Lovely design.
Thank you.
Imagine accepting each of these events as something outside your control and training yourself to not get worked up over unexpected circumstances. This is not an easy task, and it will take time to incorporate the practice into your daily life. Be gentle to yourself.
Yes Very true
There is no doubt that resilience is a useful and highly-adaptive trait, especially in the face of traumatic events. However, it can be taken too far. For example, too much resilience could make people overly tolerant of adversity. Nice post
To help us drop all the unnecessary self-labels, which serve no other purpose than to make us suffer, self-enquiry is recommended. Thank you
A journey of self enquiry is required.
Our own views, desires, deeds we think are good or bad…. are honestly not important, because they are vane, and petty thoughts provoked by our senses. ALL that we want, feel, think, is just a result of all we have seen, heard, smelt, etc…
We can choose the way we react to things, and with some intentional practice we can choose to find the positive in difficult circumstances.
Yes agree that
People who lack resilience are more likely to feel overwhelmed or helpless and rely on unhealthy coping strategies (such as avoidance, isolation, and self-medication).
Very neet and clean systematic web design.
Could too much resilience be a bad thing, just like too much muscle mass can be a bad thing — i.e., putting a strain on the heart? Large-scale scientific studies suggest that even adaptive competencies become maladaptive if taken to the extreme. Is it not?
What you say is probably true. But are we really there? I.e at the point of too much resilience. I think everybody has to reflect on where he/she is on the spectrum of resilience.
Thank you
Always good. Even when they’re incorrect or offensive, they convey meaning of some kind. Presumably you mean “signifiers”, which is any written or spoken gesture that conveys meaning. This is behavior we do all the time, and it’s necessary for our minds to use shorthand so we can think and communicate with others. Word and numbers are signifiers and without them we could only communicate as other apes do..and even they use signifiers we call body language.When a label is used by one person which we think doesn’t fit the thing signified, that’s a problem that can be tackled by using other labels, or correcting the meaning of the label.
Thank you for a different perspective.
Only God can determine good and bad. God is the master-mind of the Universe. He has all perspectives in play, which is why His plan, and HIS perfect will is most important. Nice blog.
Think of a moment in your life where you perceived an event as bad, but now when you look back it was indeed a positive event because it led you to something better. All of us can recall several such events – accepting a ‘not-so-attractive’ job offer, a break-up or a personal setback – where perceived negative events opened up new avenues.
Yes. Many a times events we perceive as bad turn out to be good when we look at them in hindsight.
Positive attitude, action orientation, selflessly supporting others overcome their weakness and most importantly avoid labelling persons or events will only be the first surface actions possible to enable one move on to that Inner Peace mentioned earlier. Nice post.
Thank you
Resilience refers to both the process and the outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, according to the definition from the American Psychological Association (APA). It’s having the mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and ability to adjust to both internal and external demands, per APA. Thanx
Thank you
In a broader context each society sets the standards for what is good or bad. By the way this changes over time also but generally slower then individual of family judgement of what is good and bad.
Every person, every ideology, every policy and every entity in the world has both good and evil. Nice post
It’s your ability to withstand adversity and bounce back and grow despite life’s downturns.
We aren’t our labels at all. Enlightenment is to see this fact, integrate it fully into who we experience ourselves as being, and living as men-of-no-name. A Zen koan asks: “Show me your face before you were born!”
Beautifully expressed . Zen koan is a nice reminder to find our original face.
Objective reality, as we understand this label, is not experienced outside the human brain at all. My mind doesn’t fly out to the clouds when I see them overhead. Instead, light from the clouds enter my eyes and my brain then interprets what has entered, producing vision, INSIDE my brain.
Yes very true. And the interpretation by brain makes all the difference.